Losing My Mom and Dad

Where to start . . . ?

This is a hard post to start. I still grieve the loss of my parents. My mom has been gone for 12.5 years and my dad, for 8 years.

The only picture I have with just me and both my parents

It, the grief, the sense of loss, it never goes away. Sometimes, it runs more in the background of life. It is easily triggered by life events, birthdays, holidays; and other times, just a song on the radio, a falling leaf, a rainbow, or a robin in my yard will cause tears streaming down my face.

As we get older, the majority of us will experience the loss of our parents. It's life. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier.

I could go down a dark hole about feeling sad, but that isn't going to do any good for me, or you.

Everyone has different ways of coping with their loss, and I don't believe there is a right or a wrong way to grieve. I am soo thankful for my husband and my kids. They were my reasons for pushing through when my mom passed unexpectedly at 68 years old. She was my best friend, my confidante, my mom. It was and still is, one of the hardest times in my life. Thank God my kiddos were younger and still needed me on the daily. Thank God my husband was my rock and picked up the slack so I could spend a day or two or three, in bed, crying. And, thank God for my dog, Izzy, for the forced walks and the welcomed cuddles. Together, we made it through.

Losing my dad was equally as hard, but different. His was expected, it stopped his suffering, and he died peacefully, surrounded by soo many people who loved him. (When my time comes, I hope that's how I go.) I have been able to make peace with losing him. My dad was the best person I've ever known. He didn't have much, but he gave everything! I miss his hugs and his sense of humor.

I consider myself a spiritual person, most times, I have faith, and I believe in signs. There are so many signs that my parents are still "here". Of course they are, because I am still here. I notice things I say or do that I find myself thinking, "I sound just like my mother", or "my Dad would be proud of how I handled that."

I grieved the loss of both my parents, but in very different ways. I wanted to speak at my mom's service, but when I stood up and faced the room, I couldn't form a sentence. The tears just kept coming and the lump in my throat had dropped to my heart. It was then I realized she was really gone. My dad's was totally different. The best way to sum this up is that I never really understood the whole "celebration of life" terminology for a funeral until my dad passed. It truly was exactly that, a big-ass party! (with tears and hugs and a lot of laughs)

There are definitely the different stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is crucial to allow yourself to experience all of them - if needed, but they are not equal, and they are not the same for every loss. I spent A LOT of time in every stage but acceptance when my mom died; and skipped all of them straight to acceptance when my dad died. Do you agree that the stages of grief can be circumstantial?